Last Monday, October 3rd, was Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish Feast of Trumpets which starts their New Year. As with our New Year it's a time of examination and change. It's the start of a new season; a time of looking forward and letting go of things that need to be let go in order to move on.
I was in our service when the tears began to well up in my eyes - please Lord not here. I knew it was time to move forward in this new season, and I want to, but Jared won't be there. I was afraid I would forget him if I moved on. My emotions were going to consume me if I didn't stop. I had to change my focus and pay attention to the service.The rest of the day I went about things with a slightly heavy heart.
On Tuesday, the 4th, my 'Small Straws in a Soft Wind' by Marsha Burns blew me away. I've been getting these for over 12 yrs and so many times God uses them to show me how much He really loves me. This was just such a time.
I speak to many of you who have been struggling in grief and sorrow.
You must understand leaving your grief behind is not a betrayal of those you grieve for.
Your tears are sacred.
But, this is a new day in which you can reposition yourself in the hope of new beginnings.
Be renewed by allowing life to spring up in you, says the Lord.
I am with you.
(Isaiah 42:9 Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I declare;
before they spring forth I tell you of them.)
God's faithfulness to me is astounding. He is always with me and never let's me down. By the way, that doesn't mean I always get what I want.
The reason I'm telling you all this is because God is not a respecter of persons. What ever He's done or will do for me He'll do for you. He cares about your hurts and sorrow just as much as mine. God loves you.
He is the reason I can let go of the past. As I was cutting the grass this past Tuesday I was meditating on this when the 'lightbulb' went on - DUH - I wasn't to let go of Jared, just the sorrow and grieving. They are 2 separate things.That's why it's not a betrayal to him when I move on with my life. They may be woven together now but they are going to unravel as I move forward in hope.
Making the decision to move on can be easy; however, letting go of things is a continuous process. Thoughts and 'things' are always trying to creep back in and each time you need to choose to move forward. It's like crossing the monkey bars - you need to let go of the one bar (the past) to reach for the next one (the future). You can't stop and 'hang' for awhile; well you can but then it's difficult to start moving again or you let go and fall. The only way you get to the other side is to keep a steady pace of letting go and reaching forward and grabbing hold of what is in front of you.I cried this morning because I miss my son and I asked God, "How can I publish 'New Beginnings' when I'm like this?" Later in the morning I got, "Your tears are the rain that water the soil in order for new life to spring forth." Wow, I can live with that. Is it true? Let me just say that 3 weeks ago there was no 'Jared's Heart' so you tell me.
Just because you've made the decision today to move forward and let go doesn't mean it's going to happen overnight - even with God. Seasons change slowly, gradually leading into one another. There's a purpose for each one. We need to both grow and rest in Jesus as we find the beauty and blessings of each season.
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