Friday December 2, 2016

     This 'life lesson' was learned in that time and place when my emotions were still raw and I was trying to grasp the reality that Jared was really gone from this earth. You feel like the overwhelming pain of it is going to consume you and pull you under. It had only been about 2 1/2 weeks since he had died.
     I was driving back from a friend's house and began crying because I just wanted my son back. I wanted to hold him and tell him I loved him. I missed  him so much. Then I began to think about what he had here. Jared had told me more than once that I had no idea what he was dealing with - he was right. Sometimes I felt like he was tormented - I don't know what other word to use. As he started drinking more I could see it in his eyes. As a mother, you just want to fix it and make it better, but I couldn't. All I could do was be there for him.
      I began to think of Jared being in glory with the Lord. He is free, clean and full of peace. No one or nothing can hurt him anymore. He's safe in is Father's arms. I began to feel bad about wanting him back, to be with me. These wrestling thoughts went on for awhile when I realized something - I would rather hurt and suffer this loss knowing my son now has peace. God showed me that this is real love and love will always overpower loss.
       God's love for us overpowered His loss when He sent His Son, Jesus, to earth to take on human form so He could pay the price for our sins. It's God's love for me that gives me hope. It's hope that gives me the assurance that I will see and hold Jared again. It's in that assurance that I'm encouraged to go on. It is in going on, trusting in God's love, that gives me strength to meet each day. It is in meeting each day and relying on my Heavenly Father that I'm healed and my loss becomes less. It's my walking out this healing that will allow me to minister and help others.
      I share this with you not to tell Jared's or my story but to tell you about the love of God. A love that brought Jesus from heaven to earth as a baby to become sin for us. A love that can comfort and heal you. A love that will bring peace and hope to any situation, to any person. I pray that you accept the only gift that really matters this Christmas season - Jesus and the love of God.

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